<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<andy> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
Click this link. Now. No, it's not porn.</sub>
EDIT TIME! Please note that this is NOT some copy/paste shit that was sent to me which I then recopied into my journal. It is also NOT yours, and I'm getting real tired of people not only copying the entire thing word for word into their journal but then giving me NO credit for it (or taking credit for it themselves). If you want to link to it, fine, that's awesome. If you want to put it in your journal as well, that's also cool with me so long as you ASK first and give a link back to me as well.
Also, I think it was made quite clear that this was primarily made in jest, but that seems to be flying over some peoples' heads, so I'm going to state this now: the following list was made to get laughs. LAUGHS. HAHA. See? That's a laugh. It's a reaction to something a person finds humorous. It is not meant to be taken seriously. Most people get that; this journal is like ten months old and I still get regular comments on it telling me how much they like it. However, to the few of you out there with cerebral deficiencies who decide that having this here makes me some sort of a pageview-whoring talentless elitest dA snob and decide to let me know with such cutting insults as "dude ur gay wtf" (think I'm kidding? Read through the comments), save yourself some time, please. If you're going to resort to childish insults over the internet, I'm already going to assume you're a fucktard and likely not worth my time. Further, the time you spend looking like an idiot while failing to hurt my feelings could be much better spent doing the following:
1) Running with scissors.
2) Choking to death on a penis.
3) Playing "Stab The Toaster With A Fork".
4) Seeing how many cue balls fit in your mouth at once.
5) A bizzare combination of 1, 2, and 4.
Hopefully the few of you out there who failed to grasp this or decide that stealing my shit sounds like a fun idea will now realize the truth of the matter. Thank you, and have a nice day.
Yes. I'm updating it again. Why?
It took me 924 days on DeviantART to get 5,000 pageviews. Shortly thereafter, I posted this journal and linked to it in my signature as an easy way to get pageviews without doing any real work.
21 days later, I got 6,000 pageviews. I've also had 11 people +devWATCH me. I've been sitting here for the last 30 minutes with one window open to my main page and another in the forums, doing my usual thing. I refreshed my main page every minute. Every time, it ticked up at least three views. I didn't even see my 6,000th - it jumped from 5,998 to 6,002 in like twelve seconds In closing, I'd like to say, to the roughly 980 of you who came to my page in the last 21 days to get pageviews, good luck in your endeavour. It sure as hell worked for me.
After finding no less than three threads in one posting spree asking how to get more of the all important pageviews (OMGLOLPLZ!!111!), I have decided it to be my civic duty to compile this list for the betterment of n00bs everywhere. Given I have 68 mostly-halfassed Deviations and 5,500 pageviews, I feel I am qualified to take on such a task.
That being said, I present to you...
Or, "A Newb's Guide To Percieved Popularity!"
1) Post porn. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant artistic nude pictures.
2) Be a forum whore. If you go to bed after a posting spree, wake up, check your dA inbox, and don't see at least (15F) up there, you're not trying hard enough.
3) Go to the dA main page. Go to Today. Go down the list of new Deviants and greet every single one of them.
4) Make really awesome art and pimp it out in Thumbshare.
5) Make shitloads of really crap art and pimp it out in Thumbshare.
6) Be extraordinarily racist/political/religious. Indicate this in every comment or forum post (I suggest a signature that says, "Jesus lives in you! Unless you're a fag, a Muslim, or a Mexican!").
7) Post everywhere. Shoutboxes, forums, journals, deviations, news posts, everywhere. Make your name known to everyone.
8) Acquire an animated anime avatar. Yay for alliteration!*
9) Fill your signature (other than the one from #6) with Japanese characters in a rough sentance. Doesn't even have to be correct, just so long as it includes "kawaii", "neko", and anything ending with "-chan" or "-kun". Anime fangirls will swarm you.
10) Be a supreme asshole in the forums. The people who hate you will know your name, and the people who agree with you (IE, other assholes) will flock to you like a fat kid on a cupcake.
11) Become any kind of member higher than a subscriber (this can take time). Even if you only have a ` in front of your name (let alone a $, or a @ or something), people will notice and go to your page.
12) Post "Hi! I'm new!" threads in the Welcome forum. No, I mean, post one like, every week.
13) Find large threads like "Word Association", "What R u lisining 2 rite now!??", and "Who's the toughest video game boss you ever fought?". Reply to them with a relevant comment, then go through and reply to the comment of every other person in the thread until you die of exhaustion. Everyone you send it to will see your name, plus you'll be one of the most active Deviants in the thread.
14) On a similar note, find a "What are you listening to?" thread and bookmark it. Reply to it. As soon as two other people reply below you, reply again. Continue until death. This will have an effect similar to that of #13.
15) +devwatch everyone who watches you. This leads people into a false sense of loyalty and they'll stop by every once in a while to see how you're doing.
16) Post a thread about how anime isn't really art. Every 14 year old fangirl who comes to your page to yell at you in broken Japanese adds to your pageviews. Remember, people liking you has nothing to do with your popularity this is about pageviews.
17) Go down the Welcome forum. Reply to every thread with a emote and "Hello!".
18) Get a subscription. Seriously. When impressionable newbies (whose threads you've already spammed to death with greetings messages) see a Subscriber or Beta Tester talking to them, they're more likely to pay attention and see who you are. This only works until they learn that a third of dA falls into one of those categories. Also, paying $30 a year for a sub gets you another forum to pimp out.
19) Fuck it, post your own "What are you listening to?" thread. God knows there's enough of them already, may as well add yours.
20) Randomly click on someone's name in the forums, someone you haven't spoken to yet. Go to their gallery, leave a comment on their page that says "I ur art!" and then fav at least five of their Deviations. This should entice them to visit you. For added efficiency, you can remove their Deviations from your fav list the next day, so people don't catch on and accuse you of being a fav-whore.
21) Add a list of all your friends at the bottom of your journal. As in #15, this leads people to believe that you actually like them and they may come visit you later.
22) Join every group you hear of. Even if it doesn't apply to you. You're Polish and want to join ? Try anyway and say you're doing it out of support. If they won't let you, watch the club anyway and people might assume you're in it by mistake.
23) Either spell perfectly and use proper grammar all the time to appear more intelligent (and therefore, more interesting), or mangle the English language to the point where people come to your page just to cuss out your horrid typing skills.
24) Post drunk. I mean, really drunk. Or even just act drunk. Make a thread about being drunk, complete with blatant misspellings, etc. The alcoholics will think it's funny and possibly go to your page to see who you are. Nobody else matters anyway so who cares about them.
25) Make a huge list of ways to get more pageviews, compile them into your journal, then link to it in your signature. Why are you looking at me like that?
26) Put the obligatory "FREE PORN" link in your sig that actually leads to your gallery. However, only make one letter (I suggest the P) lead to your gallery, and let the rest actually lead to free porn. People will return to you constantly for free nudity (especially those at work or school who don't want to type in the URL and have it in their history), and every once in a while one will click the P and give you a free view.
27) Go through Thumbshare, noting every thread that promises comments/favs if you do theirs. Utilise all of them. They have to give you a view to comment or fav your work. Then be a bastard and un-fav all their stuff.
28) Several times a day, go to the main page Shoutbox and type, "Hello everybody!". Press Enter. Go about your business. Within a week you'll have dozens of Shouts without having to actually think about them.
29) Make a journal poll about a hot political topic, especially a heavily biased one. They attract attention like a ferret draws stench.
30) If you're not subbed yet, play yourself off as a newbie and ask for friends because you're lonely. Who knows, it might actually work.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
*Credits to WarthogDemon for suggesting I change "Get" to "Acquire". That's what happens when I miss the blatantly obvious. Go me!
This next part is where I try to crash your computer with icons.
My Musical Overdependance
I have moved my collection of Forum Icons to my Shoutboard. Technically, we're only allowed 64 icons in our journals, and my friends plus my forum icons went over that by several, so I put them in my Shoutboard instead I've recently added four more from MattGreen, credit goes to him for the four newest ones.
Rest in peace, homosex. You will be missed.